So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
