you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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