I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
