and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
