Someone shit on the floor
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
