I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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