Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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