fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
