help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
