Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
