no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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