party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
