By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
