if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
