My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
