Old men and throwing up are my life now.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
