And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
