I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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