So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
