I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't deserve a penis
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
