Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
