we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I want a musical about memes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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