Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
