I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why do cheetos always look like penises
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
