im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
