summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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