Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
kristin has been a bad kristin
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
