Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
