You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think i got beer on your cat.
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