I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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