I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
