I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
