Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
