Moan for me like Helen Keller
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
