I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
