My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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