I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
