thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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