An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
