dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
