you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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