At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
