if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
