regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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