Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
