next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
