I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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