I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
