Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Randomize
