who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
