it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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