my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
